Article 88

I was reminded of Article 88 of the US Military Code of Conduct by AFN TV last night. Here goes::

“Any commissioned officer who uses contemptuous words against the President, the Vice President, Congress, the Secretary of Defense, the Secretary of a military department, the Secretary of Transportation, or the Governor or legislature of any State, Territory, Commonwealth, or possession in which he is on duty or present shall be punished as a court-martial may direct.”

Good stuff.

Drugs and TV

I have been compulsively eating snacks. I call them snacks cos I have no idea what they are really called... Nor what they are made from... Rice? Corn? Shrimp? I bought a bag as big as a pillow for 2000 won (aka 2 bux) and have eaten my way through most of it this weekend. Luke tells me Koreans call them 'drugs' cos they are so addictive. I get it.

And while eating them, tonight I watched a documentary festival on TV. Though sometimes I lucked out with the dubbed Korean, I watched 2 British docos that had subtitles so I didn't have to invent the narrative. They were both brilliant. The first was 'Songbirds' - a musical set inside a women's prison outside of London. It was heartbreaking. Women inmates told their stories about their crimes, lives, masturbation, abuse... This was interspersed with choreographed songs... Think 'Dancer in the Dark'. Intense.
The next doco was about Soviet humour, it was called 'Hammer and Tickle' and it was just so funny, giving a potted history of the rise and fall of communism as it went, and the evolution of anti-Soviet jokes. Excellent.
Hammer and Tickle featured The Scorpions and I think everyone benefits from a review of 'Winds of Change'::

I follow the Moskva
Down to Gorky Park
Listening to the wind of change
An August summer night
Soldiers passing by
Listening to the wind of change

The world closing in
Did you ever think
That we could be so close, like brothers?
The future's in the air
I can feel it everywhere
Blowing with the wind of change

Take me to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow dream away
In the wind of change

It's like a monsoon

Woke up at 5 today.
5pm. What the? I thought my clock was broken. I missed a whole fucking day. This rarely happens in my life. And my aircon was leaking, possibly because I'd left it on for 11 hours, possibly because there is a monsoon active.
Today, again, I got the first subway home. From Hongdae it takes 30 minutes, which is sooooo good. Especially when you're trying to stay awake. And your jeans are soaked through like I've been out wading waist-deep in a stream of rancid kimchi juice.
So last night was the opening of the show Ethan's in. I met up with Luke earlier near Insadong and had some food and beer and a chat with KP and started to feel reasonable. Had a wander in the fucking rain and a gander at the millions of galleries and touristy shops... It's very cute and nice there. Went upstairs to a teahouse and had a drink before going to the show, which every Westerner and her dog was at. Ethan turned up looking SHARP with a hot lady in tow. The sharpness lasted until the first sangria was poured and somehow ended up in a splatter pattern on Ethan's white shirt. Great. Was glad he remembered our pledge to wear ties though.
Anyways, show was good.......... Standing in the street after drinking beer from the convenience store and taking photos with the convenience store disposable camera was good too. Headed to Hongdae for the after party, by which time the rain set it. We still didn't think we needed umbrellas... Too cool, all that jazz. Within minutes we were actually wading - me in my cute new Korean kitten heels, Ethan in customary moonboots, and Misty in sexy red leather heels. Stopped at a convenience store and bought *expensive* umbrellas, waded waded waded along wondering deleriously how weather could be this brutal.
Ugh so sat a Seom and had a glass of red listening to some Aussie girl with a foghorn voice carry on. Ethan used a giant teddy bear to rest on. Sat and listened to the rain, listened to the rain, listened to the rain, incredulous. Eventually decided to move but we made the *wrong* move to Aura, which looked like a tip and had a live band blaring Japanese impro-experimental jazz. EXCRUCIATING. I blamed Ethan. Got outta there and crossed the street so we were out of earshot. We walked back along the deathtrap to FF but they were playing the GREASE song... which I've heard 100000000 times this past month as some students at school are singing it as part of the school's pop song contest (for which I am MC). So I convinced them to go to Nabi... Which is like returning to the womb... But with barely-legal sexy Korean boy-men in reclaimed Ray Bans with prescription lenses there. Excellent.
Ugh there's a postscript to the night's activities which involves a nice hotel room with *leaks* and no power... oh and what seemed like a frat-boy threesome... But I need to get some kinda snack.

Seoul Daze

So tonight was supposed to be the big night, and last night the stay-at-home night... Didn't work out like that... Got an email at 9pm from Pix saying get to wine bar to meet hilarious Aussie friends. Got to Seoul Station at 10pm - so, clearly my idea of getting the subway home was shot from the start, as I'd have to leave town at 11pm to make it. Also it took us 10 minutes to figure out how to cross the road. No shit. Then the map to the wine bar that Pix had was sketchy, so we somehow engaged the help of some random slightly pissed Korean guys, who stood with us spinning the map for a while, before one said 'wait a minute' and like speedy Gonzalez, ran off down the street. We stood bemused and laughing wondering wtf he had gone to do/get... Then he roars up the street on his scooter, motioning for us to get on... His bike is held together with sticky tape and he is in pajamas from what I can tell.. We get on! We go up the mountain! We see fancy schmancy wine bar perched on the hill... We dismount, give profuse thanks, and enter naos nova. Please please check out the website and see what I'm talking about... It has killer views of the city, only serves wine to drink, features a wine list that has bottles for 2,000,000 aka a month's salary, and kick-arse tapas with real flavours like prosciutto! and pesto!
Anyways I got the subway home... when it started again at 5.30am today. Hmm. I got in to my place and headed for the shower... That's when I discovered green ink all over my feet. Like all over. Like stained, like won't come off after agessssss scrubbing. WTF? Where did it come from?

Korea lyrics 1

Ok so hearing the Beck lyric 'Eat at Tacoria, pop lockin' beats from Korea' amused me so much I thought I'd find out which other 'artists' mention Korea in their music. I think there's no reason not to start with this gem from my old friends Rammstein, who clearly know where it's at:

Korea pants
Korea pants
Korea pants
Korea pants

They are cool
They are fun
They look good
on any nun

Korea pants
Korea pants
Korea pants
Korea pants

Repeat ad nauseum.

Afterlife

My apologies, and thanks.
I was really sick yesterday afternoon, and KP, Jack, Charlie, Dad, Anna Lee, the whole box and die of loved ones were all ready willing able to call me in the small window after work when I can use the pone here. But I had a chronic headache and bellyache. Couldn't even offer Oh Charlie the sympathy he needed after having a car aim for and meet his bike as he cycled to Toby's to call me. Couldn't offer sympathy to Jack, who was crook as and dragged his sorry arse to work as two containers of chairs had arrived. Couldn't go out to dinner with friendly American Luke from upstairs as I was busy spewing in the shower. Couldn't even get down to the letterbox to see that I'd 'received Charlie's package' (kisses). Ahhh it was an average night.
Better today... and I should say, it's Thursday, which means the weekend is nearly here! I do believe I'm gonna see some palaces and shit, I mean tourist sites, on Saturday which will be good. Then go to Ethan's exhibition which I've invited pretty much everyone I know to... Anyways. Gotta get my classes planned...

Lyrics for this morning: Modest Mouse: Ocean Breathes Salty:

Well that is that and this is this.
Will you tell me what you saw and I'll tell you what you missed,
when the ocean met the sky.
You wasted life, why wouldn't you waste the afterlife?

Presidential matter 1

Well yesterday I wanted to but forgot to post about the Polish PM and Presidential double-act. Truly something from a James Bond movie or just another galaxy - I must paraphrase from The Age: IDENTICAL twins who once starred together in a children's film look set to hold the two most powerful posts in Polish politics. President Lech Kaczynski has nominated his brother Jaroslaw, to replace prime minister Kazimierz Marcinkiewicz, who resigned yesterday. With no other candidates for the post, it is a foregone conclusion that one twin will soon swear in the other. The twins, 57, first shot to recognition as child stars in the 1960s film The Two Who Stole the Moon. They started their political careers as activists in the Solidarity trade union.
In spite of their success both Jaroslaw, who is unmarried and lives with his mother, and Lech, remain sensitive about their appearance and are rarely seen in public together.

Systemholic

Where I sit at the PC Bang there is a huge poster of a heroic looking guy with long hair and a blood smear on his face, gazing into the distance. It says 'Rohan' it big gothic script and then 'Systemholic Online Rohan'. I think I need a geek to explain this to me. Toby?
Anyways, tonight on AFN I learnt that in 2005, there were 117 military-to-military sexual assault in the American forces in Korea. And I saw the ad that says more off-duty military have been killed in motorcycle accidents than in the fighting in Afghanistan. The voiceover reiterates: WAY MORE.
Hey tonight I came home from work and there was a postcard waiting for me... SO EXCITING! JC had written it while lying on some Greek beach... Sounded sooo good. Not jealous at all! Miss her and LTR so much... 6 weeks without them. It's tough. Now I think they are in Goreme, possibly staying with my Ma. Crazy cool. Three years ago I was there.

Thanks to all those who are staying in contact... It's wonderful. Thanks to all those who read my blog, email me, chat with me online, send me shit and keep me sane. It's so appreciated.

Ahhhh yeah: Bowie: Golden Years:
Don't let me hear you say life's taking you nowhere, angel
Come get up my baby
Look at that sky, life's begun
Nights are warm and the days are young

Hongdae Weekend

Heyyyyy
Well I've uploaded 16 new photos from today in my Korea photobucket, so checkem out.
Basically I've been reassured that there is a cool life to be had here. I can thank Miss Pix and Ethan for that... Yesterday, going to the gig and a couple of other cool lil bars in a cool lil hood showed me more of this place that isn't suburban and shit.
Then today I went back to the same hood, met up with slightly hungover Ethan and we wandered the shops and had coffee and lunch over a period of 6 hours... Was fuckin leisurely and nice. There was a tense moment when we were on the hunt for somewhere to eat and couldn't find a place we thought would have either a picture menu or an English menu, but then we found Oink, and it was our salvation. No aircon, but the rice sidedish was loaded with caviar and the beer was icy cold. So much food, so much satisfaction, for about $8. Can't go wrong.
Saw some stencil art, always a good sign; lots of cute boys; couples in matching gear; tiny dogs with dyed-pink fur; Bladerunner shit; cool clothes; cool shoes; lobsters in tanks; convenience stores; vomit; guys in beanies even though it's fuckin 30 degrees. My boobs got leered at generally, specifically by police, but no-one arrested me for soliciting or offered me money for sex, so all in all, a good weekend.
Back to the rugrats tomorrow........................................ Yay.

Some folks call her a runaway

Ok so last night I went out with week-old friend plus one new friend to see some little punk-like gig at some place called 'FF' aka 'Funky Funky'... There was one band before the one we'd come to see - Ethan quite rightly pointed out that they sounded like a cross between Tracy Chapman and Hootie and the Blowfish. He even sung a bit of 'Fast Car' over the top of the Korean lyrics and they fit perfectly. Funny. Luckily the band we'd come to see did rock and were cute funny original all that...
Anyhoo then I get an email from Jack - how good is Jack - which is so exciting because he emails me about twice a year. Fuckin nearly fell off my chair cos he samples some Tracy Chapman lyrics in his email ::

She's got her ticket,
think she gonna use it;
Think she's gonna fly away.
No-one should try and stop her,
persuade her with their power
she says that her mind is made.

Beats

I've been trying not to listen to The Cure as they are high on my 'songs that kill me' list, but today... Couldn't help it! Stand-out lyrics dedicated to Oh! Charlie! ::

You're so gorgeous
I'll do anything
I'll kiss you from your feet
To where your head begins
You're so perfect
You're so right as rain
You make me make me
Make me hungry again
Everything you do is irresistible
Everything you do is simply kissable

Oh! So! Good!
Then I sat down with a cup of tea and some jammy bread and read Ludmila's Broken English, by dbc pierre. So feckin hilarious. My stand-out snippet from this morning ::

'Throbbing music no longer beat time to a young life ascending. Now it hammered boards over future's window.'

Ok, and favourite spazz-Konglish t-shirt from yesterday ::

'I want stardom day and night
I do believe in chastity'

Done it before... Do it again...

Well, you build it up, you wreck it down
You burn your mansion to the ground
When there's nothing left to keep you here, when
You're falling behind in this
Big blue world

Crushes

Methinks Ethan will understand this... It's very easy to form crushes on random boys here. The petrol station next to my building has a cute attendant. He wears bright pink socks with his sandles and scoots dangerously around on his little bike. His uniform is a stripey shirt, which he wears with a trucker cap and shorts... He just wanders through the petrol station smoking and greeting his friends in their high school unifoms.

Shopping Day

Today is SHOPPING DAY at my school.. The foyer has has been turned into a shopping centre with big signs, products laid out on tables, price lists, balloons galore... The Mums (or Mommies, as they're called here) are coming soon and I have to teach them shopkeeper's expressions in English, then the children will spend the morning 'shopping' in English with play money. Good god.

Blown Away

Fuck it.

Just wrote a huge post and then this shitty puter... Blew it away...
It was all about Paul Klee, the Seoul Olympic Park, Beer Hunter and Beck.

"Art does not reproduce the visible; rather, it makes visible." Klee.

Beer Hunter was ok - went there Sunday. Had Cooper's and calamari.

"Hot like a cheetah, neon mamacita
Eat at Tacoria, pop lockin' beats from Korea" Beck.

Kryptonite

When I packed, I could have brought less scarves and ties and more books. Clearly, since it's TOO HOT to wear any of my nifty scarves, and I read the one novel I brought in 3 hours.
Anyways, I was rereading the book - jPod by Coupland - and found a favourite bit where the geeks are discussing their own personal kryptonite.. For one it's meetings, another it is Microsoft press releases. What's mine...? Rod Stewart? Socks in bed? What's yours?
Hey I went down to the convenience store (as my colleagues call it) to heat up my porridge and scammed the guy into letting me use the microwave which is for povvo students to heat up instant noodles. My porridge was way yummy, just a gelatinous pumpkin soup really. And it came with kimchi, chili paste stuff and some pickled meat as the sides. Great. I ate it at work while reading Time! For Kids! I learnt that Nigeria is double the size of California... Really puts things in perspective, hey?
Work was just as shit today, by the way. I can't count the amount of times I just want to run run run away. I heard that new teachers here have this feeling, but I had no idea it would be this bad. And these two days, it's not even that I miss home, but that I hate the work, it's so shit, stressful, not knowing what to do all the time.

Lettuce + Porridge

Ok so my day at work was horrendous. Just awful. Most classes would not be controlled. Most classes I had no textbook for. Most classes I had no idea what or how to teach them. Great.
Then I had to go to Immigration to register as an alien. Great. My (only) Korean friend, Luke, came with me (actually chauffeur-drove me), which was so good, I just let him do the talking and we were done in 10 minutes. Amazing.
Then we headed north to the suburb where he grew up, very very nice. He took me to a lettuce restaurant - there was a giant illuminated sign inside that had pictures of the 18 different lettuces they served, with the healthy properties of each outlined underneath. So a GIANT pile of lettuce was the main dish, and the small dishes were kimchi, garlic, dried shrimp, spinach, miso paste, miso soup, white kimchi... others... and rice.
Luke loves Baskin Robbins ice-cream so we stopped off to get him some and the shop next door had a sign saying 'Korean Traditional Porridge Restaurant'... I was like - WTF?! Lettuce! Now this?! So we ordered some take-out for me to have for my lunch tomorrow - bean and sweet potato porridge I think. Hmm.
On the subway home the guy standing next to me said 'Russian?'. My heart sank - this is becoming a daily occurrence - random guys thinking I'm Russian (which I think is a euphemism for 'hooker'). I was like 'no....' and turned away. Long story short, he engaged me in conversation and asked me to be his private tutor, which refused... Ugh whatever.

Couples Coupling

More from the list of stuff to blog, that I scrawled on the subway map last night:

• Couples love to wear exact matching outfits. Imagine cute yellow polo shirts, buttoned up, levis and white high-tops... Both boy and girl. Luke tells me honeymooners especially love this. Ugh.
• There are giant cases with gasmasks in them in the subway - complete with posters about how to fit them. Very graphic.
• Ads for the Korean Mumma Mia! on the subway.
• "No amount of poetry can mend this broken heart'... Thank-you, Billy Bragg.

HOT

I hope you can all understand what I mean about Korean guys when you gaze at this movie poster....

Wa-Bar Whiskey Event

So I met a new peep last night. To get from my satellite province to his satellite province involved 1 hour on the subway... A lot of time to think about the things I want to post.

• I wore my Wolfmother t-shirt to work yesterday. Sick.
• Korean women wear heels all the time.
• The other teachers at my work said 'you wear a lot of black'.
• I keep seeing seppos in the lift of my building. Great.
• I drank a lot of beer last night, then ordered crumbed pork with gravy.
• I visited the most disgusting toilet ever. Squat, with rice in the bowl. Mmm.
• Korean men are pretty hot. And wayyy effeminate.
• Best t-shirt ever on a kid riding a bike this morning: 'sometimes there is sorrow'.