Nearly walking

Sick days. Family gastro episodes. Hospital and doctor visits and watching the rain. Milla taking steps. So close to really walking. Saying 'star', 'duck' and 'bird'. Apparently cuddling teddies and dolls at childcare all day. Cuddling Alpi and her sheep at home, patting them affectionately and locating ears and eyes.

 

Picking sultanas out of snack bag after childcare.

Coming home from childcare with Old MacDonald on her lips. Swaying her heads to music or my terrible singing. Worse than usual as I'm deaf on right from blasted ear infection.

 

Little bits of nostalgia as old house takes centre stage in a new TV show. Mum just sold Tolmie so another place to farewell. Some furniture (maybe the piano!) to come to us.  

Being a family

Lunch today with the subdued Milla who just pushed a new tooth out. Talking with an old friend, who's a new mother. About those dark, strange, long days. They're a year behind me or near enough. And yes, many things help. A partner who makes sure you have breakfast. Days when it doesn't rain. Having a baby that is well. But confidence and true calm take a while.

Winter days.

Only after I left lunch, packed that quiet snuggly kid into the car did I realise I have actually got the hang of it. It's not a shock to realise I'm somehow disembodied, that little new, precious part of me that isn't me, dependent on me, isn't a burden or afterthought or curious scary mess. Or beautiful curiosity. At some point I got into our family life. And Milla as being a person!

I bought a painting today, perfect for our westside life.

'The Severing of Relations Between East and West'
by Sandra Eterovic

Blue Birds and Stars

This morning while I was at yoga, Milla lead Charlie down the hall to her room, patted her mattress and in doing so, announced she was ready for her morning nap. Yep, she's a person these days. 

Eating mandarin, definitely feeling better.

A week of illness. Charlie, strangely, well. Me, a cold with hideous cough; an endless first period after weaning with long migraine; agony in the night with an ear infection that took me to the emergency room early before Milla's party. Then Milla, recovering from the cold, the cough, the ear infection, vomited and vomited all Thursday morning. Viral gastro. That terrifying moment when her third vomit was chunky and pink, Charlie put his shoes on and I started to sob before I remembered I'd given her a single blueberry an hour before.

Whole date in the mouth. Birthday jeans. 

So today she's eaten like the old Milla Gusto. She's lost weight, thinner after these weeks of illness. Looking and being like a kid. Loves her cuddly friends and tries to carry her favourite three all at once wherever she goes.

Birthday cake for days. 

Sounds like she's added 'stop' and 'don't' to her repertoire, sounding very serious and bossy. Can cuddle on command. Loves birds, especially blue birds, and stars. Played with her two new watering cans today and picked up on the game of moving the limes from one to the other. 

First birthday

This time last year... There's a lot of that going on.

Naff hospital pic. 

This time... I was in labour, at home, in bed, the shower, wearing the old fleece pants I'm wearing today. In a little while Charlie would decide it was time to get in the car and head to hospital.

Tiny Milla, our awesome little girl, heart beating strong, head down, ready to start.

Strange birthday day today, Milla napping now, after a long trundle around the backyard, me at a distance, her waving sticks, drumming on the BBQ and pointing, motoring, so happy. Beating the cough and lurgy and ear infection away.

As the textbooks say, unstructured outdoor play. Tick. 

Today Milla's eaten some of my favourite things, dried dates, peanut butter flat bread, fresh strawberries, cold milk, the cake spoon.

We read Each Peach and looked for the blue bird, the black cat, the little white dog, the clock and the duck.

A visit to the cafe this morning where Milla shared vegemite toast with her little friend, the Irish. These friends were wearing matching blue puffers and had plenty of grins to share around.

Friendship. 

It really is now - the new normal. Big love and lots of smiles and silliness are the new normal. Love Milla.

Sick

Since finishing breastfeeding, Milla has been sick. Causation or correlation? She may also (always) be teething. Biting the couch in flamboyant fashion. Biting my leg! Sleeping long and now on antibiotics for a possibly long-standing ear infection. She's off her food and has lost weight, is lengthening out. Frozen blueberries are the only thing that can entice her.

Unable to rouse this sick baby.

We're thinking to rationalise her toys, after a considerable expansion. Get more Montessori and have a smaller range on rotation. A cardboard tag from some clothes is one of her favourite things in the box. Our books are boring us too. Her favourite is definitely a hand-me-down book on shapes.

No childcare on Thursday or Friday, too sick, Charlie stayed home and I was able to go for a long run Friday morning, getting good distance notched up - 16kms doing a great loop up and under the West Gate to see a really good view from Stoney Creek Reserve then back along to Point Gellibrand, the beach and home.

Post-wedding

We have some rituals that will pass. Sheep in the letterbox. Goodnight to donkey on shelf. Looking for clock. Now looking for the moon.

We are hearing a sweet sound of 'baa baa' being sung these days. And a swivel of the torso, a little dance? I wonder if they dance at childcare.

Milla's first sleepover and everyone slept in, us at one house, Milla at another. We all woke at 7am on the winter solstice. A very frosty morning, birdbath iced.

Flowergirl and brother of bride. 

The past nine days have had Charlie listed as preferred parent #1. Since he returned from last work trip. Maybe since breastfeeding stopped. Completely.

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Great days in the lead up to birthday #1 and a big fat family wedding. 

Playing with lantern in bed with us.

Milla will have her first sleepover this weekend, no breastfeed in the morning. 

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This kid. Drinking from her tiny class cup. Eating meals all by herself. Getting tired and touching the bin to get my attention. Hugging me intensely. With her quiet peaky face in the Ergo after childcare. With a wet fringe in the winter rain, no hat. Sounding like she's saying 'duck' as we read 'I Went Walking'.

Wild child shredding herbs. 

No new rhythm yet, Charlie away for work this week so solo working parent. Picking Milla up from care is great and horrid all at once. Dropping her off is just horrid. Going for a long run and shopping in my 'free time' is lovely.

Less anxious these days about her naps. Still giving that final tiny breastfeed in the mornings. She crawls outside and shreds my basil and feeds herself dirt.  

Eleven months and all that

A year of no work. Eleven months of Milla in the world. She hugs fast and true. Yesterday was the best hug ever. It went on for days, it was uninterrupted, it was intense and so full of peace.

Eating apple and looking proud. 

We're brainstorming about how she's going to be flowergirl in three weeks. I tried to talk to her about how different tomorrow would be but I couldn't speak. Winter is upon us and it's snowing everywhere and pouring here.

Milla at eleven months has started to do a grin where she scrunches her nose. Her top four teeth are on display. She crawled on the mat at swimming. She stands up and howls from her bed if she doesn't want to nap. She chews at her sheep toy. Loves her custom book with family pictures. Loves to admire the donkey toy. Can entertain herself pulling clothes of the couch for a good long while. Wants you to hold BOTH hands when she practises walking. Gets fed chocolate cake when I'm not around.

22/52

Turns out it's week 22 and therefor I'm somewhat behind. I was making up the week numbers as I went so it's not really a surprise.

Eating dirt.

Week 22 is the week the leads us to Milla being 11 months. She's sleeping a lot, talking a lot, got shiny hair that is growing fast. She's still really good at hugs. While we waited for Charlie yesterday evening, she helped me weed the driveway and in a few minutes learn the word 'moon', not to say, but could identify when asked where it was.

Week 22 was childcare orientation. Yesterday five hours. I steadied myself. Milla ate, played, napped, ate and played. She is one of the more roly-poly kids there. And boisterous, but generally quiet.

Week 22 is my last week of leave, last week of this mad, wonderful year. I love my career but I also feel like my heart and soul are going to be bruised with the upcoming change.

Care

Child care orientation. I'm sobbing in the corridor. Milla bewildered and quiet on the floor in 'Koala' room. Can't believe how hard this feels. I just want to hold her.

Peeping in on her.

19/52

Home time. Long lush grass in yard. Milla reacquainting herself with her home (and back to sleeping well). First glance at childcare centre. Last days and weeks of leave for me (and Charlie). Swimming lessons for Milla. Trying new yoga studios for me.

Milla learnt how to grin, hug, and say 'bird' on the trip. Breastfeeding is a thing of the past (nearly... just one half-hearted feed ever other morning).

First try of chocolate.

18/52

Milla roughing and racing on the trampoline in the Newcastle sun. She's eating heaps, can stand for a tiny moment. Can climb stairs. Really hates getting her nappy changed. Has had some huge splinters. Said 'tea' today. Has perfected cuddling. Is waking at 2am for a feed. Her only breastfeed now. Babbling sentences now. Understands that 'no' means 'stop what you're doing'. Knows the words 'apple', 'button', 'flags'.

So much fun with this kid.

Day 15

In sunny Newcastle. It's been a long crazy  week. Milla teething, not sleeping, crying on the drives.

We arrived in Newcastle to a forecast of fine weather. The city displayed uprooted and broken trees from a mad Anzac storm.

Last night was a milestone of a different sort. Charlie and I went out for dinner, like the old days. Ten months!  My dear friend and host looked after Milla and we came home (90 minutes later!) to a sleeping baby who slept the night for the first time in a while.

In the four days here we've had a very relaxed pace, walking along the foreshore, visiting new café, going for runs, a visit to the playground, Charlie riding and Milla being spoilt with games and attention from the 5 and 7 year olds.

Crawling in Newcastle. 

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At groovy New Acton in the warm Sunday sun. Milla looks changed. And very beautiful. Charlie looks into her mouth and sees perhaps four or five teeth. Far out.

Peaceful and curious.

Day 10

In Canberra. Changing plans. Last night the new plan was to head home today, abort the mission. We had a very clingy tearful baby at Kosciusko and it was hard. The drive on to Byron Bay seemed an absurd challenge.

Sitting in suburbia amongst beautiful autumn leaves and mild weather, warm sun. Our first difficult dinner out last night. My friend, with her twin three year olds, us, Milla howling and refusing to be put down. The little ones sung to Milla.

We camped in the backyard, mild night and Milla slept well. We got up at 6:37. New plan. No Byron, on slowly to Newcastle. 

National Portrait Gallery. 

Ten Months

Day seven of the adventure. A new day dawns after a good sleep for all. Milla has a new tooth and is ten months old. We walked up towards Mount Kosciusko today. It felt like a very long time since I had hiked or walked along in the Alpine air.

Mt Koz National Park. 

Ten months. Milla is cheerful, crawls and crawls and wants to walk. Talks lots in her language, said Dad, says Mum but not really to me. Gets loud before she sleeps. Still loves books, beats her heels with excitement when sat down to read. Plays games with her mouth and stills chats sternly with Alpi.

Yesterday was tough as Milla didn't sleep well, we had to pack up and head off the mountain and on to the ACT for our stay near Jindabyne. Milla was great during the extended pack up but at some point began crying inconsolably. It was horrible. At some point, just before lunch at Corryong, I discovered a new tooth. Hallelujah. We celebrated with 1.5 ml of Panadol.

Tallangatta. Worst day of trip.

Day 5 sick baby

We (I ) overheated Milla and didn't quite clue on to the reason for her unsettled night until yesterday morning. Poor lil sausage was baking. I'm not used to sleeping in a place with such effective heating!

Was anxious to rehydrate Milla in the morning and she had a good breakfast, but when we had to wake her from her morning nap so we could head to Mt Beauty for lunch, she was lackluster. Refused lunch and gave us a sooky face for 90 minutes. Refused to use her cup, which she usually attacks with gusto.

Getting in the car to head back to Falls, she vomited. First time in her little life. Definitely out of sorts. We spent the afternoon trying not to worry and giving her cuddles. A relief when she ate dinner, had bottle, boob and went to bed. Her snot woke her and us a few times but upon rising we have less worry and more pep. Milla was pointing at the currawongs and eating porridge, good signs of life. 

Monitoring birdlife.

Wheels up tomorrow as we begin the delayed trek north. It's been great at Falls and from Day One I wanted to make an Anzac stay here an annual event.

View towards dam wall from aqueduct on my run.

Day 3 first hike

Such a perfect day. We decided to extend our stay at Falls Creek by two nights and skip a big back country camping traverse. So we'll take main roads straight to Jindabyne.

Weather has been perfect, bright days and freezing overnight. We are very cosy and the days seem so long. Our mini routine is: up 7ish for breakfast, I go for run, get back and Milla naps while Charlie does some mountain biking. Then lunch and out for short hike along the snow gum lined high plains tracks. Back for play, nap, relaxing and then on with dinner prep. Milla to bed around 7ish. Reading, lounging, plotting or TV. Sheer luxury.

The baby hiking pack was one of the last pieces to come together. We ordered one and it never turned up, so bought one from trusty Bogong the day before we headed off. Milla liked it so much she fell asleep immediately.

Cheesy grins.

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Dinner time at Falls Creek. Wearing my blue jumper from decades ago.

Trying to eat a whole plum.