Spring and flowers

When I get home, I know they've been out for a trike walk as there are flowers all over the front step. A little trail. I open up and walk through the house. All quiet. Milla is leading Charlie around the backyard. She turns, her face is puffy from crying. Teething. The yard is green and it is a beautiful mild spring evening. Just gone 7pm.

First run this morning, post half marathon. Left calf still aches. Supermoon hanging over Newport at 6am. Milla wakes late, happy and helps in the yard.

Helping sort rubble in backyard.

Grampians Paradise 4

The two nights at Paradise near Pomonal are not enough. We supersized our trip and spent two cool nights at Jimmy Creek Campground first up. It was a mad drive up on Wednesday, I was on the phone, texting, chatting and working. New job in the works and lots going on. Lunchstop in Beaufort.

By the lake at Grampians Paradise.

This was our first tent camping since the big trip before I went back to work. It was clear Milla had no memory of camping. Arriving at the campground she was clearly overwhelmed by the place, particularly the cockatoos. She settled in and was very good at staying safe around hazards like creeks and fires. Importantly, she slept well. I noticed three huge molars finally have sprouted (maybe two months of work there?) and she occasionally pawed at her mouth and drooled. So we gave her some painkillers.

Four nights of sleeping in her own tent. She practically leapt from our arms at bedtime to get into her cot. And when she was beat yesterday afternoon, she went and sat in the cot quietly. She had late bedtimes, it was bright and interesting so it tended to be after 8pm. And then we all slept in, 7am or after.

Milla under cake screen. Check the photo from last year.

It was different and the same with the crew. Now lots of babies. Lots of work. Milla was bowling them all over. Everyone overcatered, that was the same. Weather was great, as usual. It was too hurried and I just wanted to chat chat chat with my friends but it was hard to find the space.

43/52

I've considered cutting her hair. It's long and thick and so beautiful. It sticks on her snotty nose and gets porridge wiped in it and is wild in the mornings and she can't see. She pulls out ties and clips. Childcare returns her to me with braids, perfect.

Train ride home, always making friends.

42/52

Killer pout!

41/52

Bike til you barf. 

Loves it when the trike is pushed down bumpy lanes or Charlie shoots it super fast. Can say 'mwah'! Ate a whole mango at lunch.

15 months

Says "ear". Can find her nose and yours. Understands when I say "both hands" when on the trike. Will stand up in the bath when she's done. Hates the ocean. First trip to zoo. Loves curry by the bowl fulls. Rarely sits still for a book now. Loves the climbing wall. Says "taaaaa" and gives you tiny tiny things. Picks her nose. Hates getting her nappy changed. Can take her top off over her head. Very steady on her feet. Very good with dogs, courageous and mostly gentle. Flat tummy in morning and huge round belly by evening. Loves to drink water. Still has a 150ml bottle of cow milk before bed.

Williamstown Beach. Milla 15 months.

Helping in the yard

Getting muddy.

Family Train Ride to Work

Passing through Footscray. 

Spring Days

I think Milla's been well for... days! And current obsessions are keys and her trike. Warmer weather means playing with buckets of water. And another howling trip to the beach. Why doesn't she like it?

Hated the beach on a warm sunny glorious Sunday. 

Walking, striding, very confident. Face planting in the evening when tired. Put gumboots on her today and her waddle changed. She undid her nappy and thought she was hilarious. She picks up the tiniest thing and hands it to you. Played with cars today for the first time. Winner. The funniest thing is when I drive them off the side of the bluestone step and say 'noooo!' when they crash.

Brm. 

It's all about the bike and the trike. Got the trailer for my bike, a helmet for the monkey, and did two test rides into town. It's such an awesome ride, bike paths all the way. Big ships and lots of anglers at the back of the power station. Everyone in the city points at us.

Watching the traffic. 

The trike I found on the street. It's pink. It's a favourite. We have been doing an evening block, and met some chooks in a front yard.

37/52

Watching Milla stack blocks. Unbelievable the feeling it gives me. Utter pleasure and satisfaction. This feels like a milestone.

She stacks up five on top of each other. Examines each piece for suitability. When they fall, she says 'owh!' and continues undeterred.

Spring has sprung. My half marathon is weeks away. We finally got a bike trailer so maybe I can ride to work with Milla.

Afternoon busy work. 

Bright

Milla roamed the backyard wearing a merino top, a bib, socks and volleys. No pants. She played joyously on the swing with Charlie and chatted at full volume, maybe playing an imaginary game.

The guys left for afternoon biking and I ran the bath and placed Milla in the shallow water. Hysterical howling and trying to climb up the side. I checked the tepid water, I checked her feet, legs, area for painful wounds. All good. She clung to me.

I got undressed and lay in the bath. She put her head on my chest and fell asleep immediately. Time passed.

The kid is teething, out of sorts.

Last night we had dinner at the Bright Brewery, saw the warm afternoon disappear by the river. Walked home and put Milla to bed. She woke at usual time, 6am, and I picked her up from her room next door, and jumped back into bed, placing her on Charlie's chest. She fell asleep immediately. Aside from murmuring and taking some glugs of water, she stayed asleep, cheek to sheet, across the centre of our bed until lunchtime.

Sweetness. 

Walking to school

Franklin Street pair.

14 Months

A stranger gave Milla a paper crane this morning on the train. No words, just the crane.

Using my pedometer as a phone. 

Long day at childcare, very tired kid upon home time and only ate a little dinner. First day of spring and blossoms all through the backyard, clear night but not too chilly at 6pm. Now she's been in bed for an hour but has woken, howling. Maybe another tooth? She was pawing at her throat. Maybe another gastro?

Yesterday we went to the Bowie exhibition, hung out in Fed Square, and in the afternoon, she declined naps and instead walked walked walked independently around the house. She turned corners, turned around, and fell well. It was amazing.

Milla at 14 months walks, eats bircher muesli for breakfast. Still loves being read to, often in a hurry to turn pages. Just started trying to wear things as bracelets, drapes things around her neck as scarves. Can now reach shelves where delicate things are. Still howling and it's nearly 9pm and she's had Nurofen.

Toddler life

I'm at the computer. Milla is standing next to me. She's very tired. Declined afternoon naps, now it's gone 6pm. I ask her, "Milla, would you like to choose a book?". She takes a few steps to her left, sorts through the book tub and hold one aloft. Charlie in the kitchen, so surprised. Big kid.

Determined to get the mower started.

She's walking more, still wants to grab a hand but loves to take a few hilarious steps between us. Occasionally will walk from us to furniture. Charlie has taken her for a couple of walks down the street.

She's started collecting crumbs and replacing them into her bowl, a welcome change from flinging everything about. Eating a lot. Naps unpredictable.

Cheetah

Milla's new word today is cheetah. She also says 'hi, Dad' and can wave at Sooty when we say 'where's Sooty?'.

No riding for Charlie today, feeling lackluster and it was raining. We decided to drive and explore. It wasn't roses, we'd woken at 3:30am to Milla's coughing and struggling to breathe, so stopped at a Doctor in Scottsdale where we got a dose of reassurance.

We drove north, to Waterhouse, where the fields of cows and sheep gave way to some dunes, little beaches and rocks like those at Cape Conran.

Stopped at Bridport and Milla walked the sand, took a few steps down the main street independently, and watched the seagulls fight for our soft apple. Almost trendy café, yarn bombed tree with blossom litter, yummy coffee and retro high chair.

Afternoon back at Derby, our final night. I did my 'easy' run, 6k in the drizzle, along the Tasman Highway. Tomorrow long run, 1 hour 20, we've checked out the northeast rail trail as a possible venue. Then back on the big boat from Devonport tomorrow night. It's been a long week. In a good way.

Bridport bike.

Derby

Arrived tiny Derby. Cold, foggy, no frost. 10k run along the Tasman Highway, birds and rockcrushers about, no track to run along.

Happy Indian meal at St Helens last night, hosts had gorgeous cheerful baby for Milla to play with. Long drive on windy roads to Derby.

Milla has her own room, sleep through, as did we. New tooth in the morning. Eight now. She's coughing a lot. Mostly when resting. No other symptoms. Seems to be getting good at saying 'hi-i' and 'byyyye' in a sweet voice with a floppy wave.

Helping in kitchen. These moments. 

Hobart

Up early to pound the pavement with Dadda. Unbelievable to be running together, somehow. He ran fast and I kept up. Possibly my fastest 5k ever. The sun came up and it was a brilliant day with no break from beautiful warm sun.

Milla and I went for a long walk while Charlie explored some trails not far from Hobart. It was relaxing, strolling, over to Sandy Bay, back through Battery Point and then over to the CDB. I found a cafe and Milla made friends with a little punk called Adelaide. 

Something went wrong and we forgot MONA was closed Tuesdays so instead we headed up the mountain to get a look at some snow. Poor Milla got cold feet but it was glorious up there. 

First snow play for Milla. 

Dinner with Dadda-Pop at the amazing Smolt. We realised it was the first fancy dinner we'd taken Milla out to. It felt like a long time since we ate so well. Afterwards Milla walked home! Up the Salamanca hill, refusing to let go of father and grandfather's hands. 

Spirit

Milla was so good getting out the door. After pizza dinner and a quick offer of warm milk in a bottle, we were into the car instead of off to bed.

Queuing at the dock she was calm and sweet, singing occasionally and pointing out the seagulls. Into our room and the lights of the coast, something about the view, filled her with excitement. She marched around the tiny room and carried on happily.

Anyhow, it wasn't a terrifically restful night. Milla woke around 3am and after a good while of wailing, I lay with her. She in the cot on the floor, me naked, half in, half out. She was chatting and singing and called to Charlie a few times. We eventually slept, Charlie put the doona over me.

Then it was all hustle as we slept in. Milla had to be roused.

Sleeping on her side on the big boat.

Walking

Well, I didn't see it. At childcare they announced that Milla walked yesterday. Mark this day, I guess.

At the National Gallery of Victoria. 

She was exhausted last night: big effort at swimming class, yielding a sticker, a certificate, and praise from Grandma. Then apparently the walking and lots of garlic bread and raisin toast. Then tired and grouchy at dinner with us.

Flashback

Flashback a year ago. Milla in her crib, swaddled, in Ballroom.

Brilliant light. 

This morning, after three nights in her new big blue bed, she again took me down the hall, to her bed, patted it and pointed at it, chatting. It's definitely a new thing, receiving note.

We chickened out last night and after two cups of milk in her tiny glass (about 60mls) we gave her another 60mls or so of cow milk in her bottle. She was tired and grouchy by 6pm. An adjustment to one nap per day perhaps. Maybe I should do as they suggest and follow the childcare routine of early lunch and one afternoon nap.

Hanging out in East Brunswick.

Big Blue Cot

Last night Milla moved into a cot. All this time she'd been sleeping in a crib that I carefully chose because it was designed to attach to our bed. It was in our room for such a brief period, then for longest time she's had her own room, and that crib has gotten smaller and smaller.

I bought a big blue cot and when Charlie put her to bed in it last night he reported that she was definitely baffled. Tonight more at ease. But she only napped in the car today, howling when I put her down in the morning. She was annoying today, overtired and grouchy.

Down the hall for a sook.

Tonight the formula tin was finished and tomorrow we will be trying bedtime without a bottle. Charlie is feeling quite sentimental about it.

13 months

Life at thirteen months is walking on knees, smacking forehead on edges, spooning dirt from the garden, batting away food from the bench when tired (or just annoying!), another round of conjunctivitis. We're listening to coughs that come and go, Milla saying 'that!' all the time, which seems to need to reply of whatever she's pointing at. We're wondering what the post-bottle routine will be like, only days away. Perhaps less of the surrender monkey and some howling as she's put down? Meanwhile my mother's group discuss overnight feeds so we're grateful.

Climbed 'into' the BBQ.

Goodbye to Tolmie this weekend past. Strange days. Rearranging furniture here and getting some things from memory lane.

Last photo of me/us at Tolmie.

32/52

A while since I posted a photo photo. But feel so pleased with this. Auto setting and manual focus, oh well.

It's digging and eating dirt season. I uncovered a paved area, lurking beneath the soil in the back corner. A reason for the failed acacia. So that keeps me occupied while Milla mixes up a mud tea.

Dirt crumbs. 

Signed up for 12 months at new yoga place. And half marathon training needs to start now. Eleven weeks out. Excited.

Stars

Seems like stars are Milla's first obsession. She can find a tiny star in the margin of a storybook. She found them on her shoes. When given a souvenir t-shirt from Vietnam, she was delighted!

Star!

On Monday at lunch Milla used the spoon to gather some pasta from her bowl and feed herself. First time.

I ran a 10k race on Sunday. A very cold morning, lots of ice on windscreen. Milla had woken at 4am and so it seemed like the morning's sleep was too disrupted and no way would I get to the race. But I did. I was fast for the first few ks. I wished I had not eaten curry for dinner. I did not doubt my pelvic floor. I ended up running a minute slower than I did in 2011, but pleased to have raced and completed.

Nearly walking

Sick days. Family gastro episodes. Hospital and doctor visits and watching the rain. Milla taking steps. So close to really walking. Saying 'star', 'duck' and 'bird'. Apparently cuddling teddies and dolls at childcare all day. Cuddling Alpi and her sheep at home, patting them affectionately and locating ears and eyes.

 

Picking sultanas out of snack bag after childcare.

Coming home from childcare with Old MacDonald on her lips. Swaying her heads to music or my terrible singing. Worse than usual as I'm deaf on right from blasted ear infection.

 

Little bits of nostalgia as old house takes centre stage in a new TV show. Mum just sold Tolmie so another place to farewell. Some furniture (maybe the piano!) to come to us.  

Being a family

Lunch today with the subdued Milla who just pushed a new tooth out. Talking with an old friend, who's a new mother. About those dark, strange, long days. They're a year behind me or near enough. And yes, many things help. A partner who makes sure you have breakfast. Days when it doesn't rain. Having a baby that is well. But confidence and true calm take a while.

Winter days.

Only after I left lunch, packed that quiet snuggly kid into the car did I realise I have actually got the hang of it. It's not a shock to realise I'm somehow disembodied, that little new, precious part of me that isn't me, dependent on me, isn't a burden or afterthought or curious scary mess. Or beautiful curiosity. At some point I got into our family life. And Milla as being a person!

I bought a painting today, perfect for our westside life.

'The Severing of Relations Between East and West'
by Sandra Eterovic

Blue Birds and Stars

This morning while I was at yoga, Milla lead Charlie down the hall to her room, patted her mattress and in doing so, announced she was ready for her morning nap. Yep, she's a person these days. 

Eating mandarin, definitely feeling better.

A week of illness. Charlie, strangely, well. Me, a cold with hideous cough; an endless first period after weaning with long migraine; agony in the night with an ear infection that took me to the emergency room early before Milla's party. Then Milla, recovering from the cold, the cough, the ear infection, vomited and vomited all Thursday morning. Viral gastro. That terrifying moment when her third vomit was chunky and pink, Charlie put his shoes on and I started to sob before I remembered I'd given her a single blueberry an hour before.

Whole date in the mouth. Birthday jeans. 

So today she's eaten like the old Milla Gusto. She's lost weight, thinner after these weeks of illness. Looking and being like a kid. Loves her cuddly friends and tries to carry her favourite three all at once wherever she goes.

Birthday cake for days. 

Sounds like she's added 'stop' and 'don't' to her repertoire, sounding very serious and bossy. Can cuddle on command. Loves birds, especially blue birds, and stars. Played with her two new watering cans today and picked up on the game of moving the limes from one to the other. 

First birthday

This time last year... There's a lot of that going on.

Naff hospital pic. 

This time... I was in labour, at home, in bed, the shower, wearing the old fleece pants I'm wearing today. In a little while Charlie would decide it was time to get in the car and head to hospital.

Tiny Milla, our awesome little girl, heart beating strong, head down, ready to start.

Strange birthday day today, Milla napping now, after a long trundle around the backyard, me at a distance, her waving sticks, drumming on the BBQ and pointing, motoring, so happy. Beating the cough and lurgy and ear infection away.

As the textbooks say, unstructured outdoor play. Tick. 

Today Milla's eaten some of my favourite things, dried dates, peanut butter flat bread, fresh strawberries, cold milk, the cake spoon.

We read Each Peach and looked for the blue bird, the black cat, the little white dog, the clock and the duck.

A visit to the cafe this morning where Milla shared vegemite toast with her little friend, the Irish. These friends were wearing matching blue puffers and had plenty of grins to share around.

Friendship. 

It really is now - the new normal. Big love and lots of smiles and silliness are the new normal. Love Milla.

Sick

Since finishing breastfeeding, Milla has been sick. Causation or correlation? She may also (always) be teething. Biting the couch in flamboyant fashion. Biting my leg! Sleeping long and now on antibiotics for a possibly long-standing ear infection. She's off her food and has lost weight, is lengthening out. Frozen blueberries are the only thing that can entice her.

Unable to rouse this sick baby.

We're thinking to rationalise her toys, after a considerable expansion. Get more Montessori and have a smaller range on rotation. A cardboard tag from some clothes is one of her favourite things in the box. Our books are boring us too. Her favourite is definitely a hand-me-down book on shapes.

No childcare on Thursday or Friday, too sick, Charlie stayed home and I was able to go for a long run Friday morning, getting good distance notched up - 16kms doing a great loop up and under the West Gate to see a really good view from Stoney Creek Reserve then back along to Point Gellibrand, the beach and home.

Post-wedding

We have some rituals that will pass. Sheep in the letterbox. Goodnight to donkey on shelf. Looking for clock. Now looking for the moon.

We are hearing a sweet sound of 'baa baa' being sung these days. And a swivel of the torso, a little dance? I wonder if they dance at childcare.

Milla's first sleepover and everyone slept in, us at one house, Milla at another. We all woke at 7am on the winter solstice. A very frosty morning, birdbath iced.

Flowergirl and brother of bride. 

The past nine days have had Charlie listed as preferred parent #1. Since he returned from last work trip. Maybe since breastfeeding stopped. Completely.

24/52

Great days in the lead up to birthday #1 and a big fat family wedding. 

Playing with lantern in bed with us.

Milla will have her first sleepover this weekend, no breastfeed in the morning. 

23/52

This kid. Drinking from her tiny class cup. Eating meals all by herself. Getting tired and touching the bin to get my attention. Hugging me intensely. With her quiet peaky face in the Ergo after childcare. With a wet fringe in the winter rain, no hat. Sounding like she's saying 'duck' as we read 'I Went Walking'.

Wild child shredding herbs. 

No new rhythm yet, Charlie away for work this week so solo working parent. Picking Milla up from care is great and horrid all at once. Dropping her off is just horrid. Going for a long run and shopping in my 'free time' is lovely.

Less anxious these days about her naps. Still giving that final tiny breastfeed in the mornings. She crawls outside and shreds my basil and feeds herself dirt.  

Eleven months and all that

A year of no work. Eleven months of Milla in the world. She hugs fast and true. Yesterday was the best hug ever. It went on for days, it was uninterrupted, it was intense and so full of peace.

Eating apple and looking proud. 

We're brainstorming about how she's going to be flowergirl in three weeks. I tried to talk to her about how different tomorrow would be but I couldn't speak. Winter is upon us and it's snowing everywhere and pouring here.

Milla at eleven months has started to do a grin where she scrunches her nose. Her top four teeth are on display. She crawled on the mat at swimming. She stands up and howls from her bed if she doesn't want to nap. She chews at her sheep toy. Loves her custom book with family pictures. Loves to admire the donkey toy. Can entertain herself pulling clothes of the couch for a good long while. Wants you to hold BOTH hands when she practises walking. Gets fed chocolate cake when I'm not around.

22/52

Turns out it's week 22 and therefor I'm somewhat behind. I was making up the week numbers as I went so it's not really a surprise.

Eating dirt.

Week 22 is the week the leads us to Milla being 11 months. She's sleeping a lot, talking a lot, got shiny hair that is growing fast. She's still really good at hugs. While we waited for Charlie yesterday evening, she helped me weed the driveway and in a few minutes learn the word 'moon', not to say, but could identify when asked where it was.

Week 22 was childcare orientation. Yesterday five hours. I steadied myself. Milla ate, played, napped, ate and played. She is one of the more roly-poly kids there. And boisterous, but generally quiet.

Week 22 is my last week of leave, last week of this mad, wonderful year. I love my career but I also feel like my heart and soul are going to be bruised with the upcoming change.

Care

Child care orientation. I'm sobbing in the corridor. Milla bewildered and quiet on the floor in 'Koala' room. Can't believe how hard this feels. I just want to hold her.

Peeping in on her.

19/52

Home time. Long lush grass in yard. Milla reacquainting herself with her home (and back to sleeping well). First glance at childcare centre. Last days and weeks of leave for me (and Charlie). Swimming lessons for Milla. Trying new yoga studios for me.

Milla learnt how to grin, hug, and say 'bird' on the trip. Breastfeeding is a thing of the past (nearly... just one half-hearted feed ever other morning).

First try of chocolate.

18/52

Milla roughing and racing on the trampoline in the Newcastle sun. She's eating heaps, can stand for a tiny moment. Can climb stairs. Really hates getting her nappy changed. Has had some huge splinters. Said 'tea' today. Has perfected cuddling. Is waking at 2am for a feed. Her only breastfeed now. Babbling sentences now. Understands that 'no' means 'stop what you're doing'. Knows the words 'apple', 'button', 'flags'.

So much fun with this kid.

Day 15

In sunny Newcastle. It's been a long crazy  week. Milla teething, not sleeping, crying on the drives.

We arrived in Newcastle to a forecast of fine weather. The city displayed uprooted and broken trees from a mad Anzac storm.

Last night was a milestone of a different sort. Charlie and I went out for dinner, like the old days. Ten months!  My dear friend and host looked after Milla and we came home (90 minutes later!) to a sleeping baby who slept the night for the first time in a while.

In the four days here we've had a very relaxed pace, walking along the foreshore, visiting new café, going for runs, a visit to the playground, Charlie riding and Milla being spoilt with games and attention from the 5 and 7 year olds.

Crawling in Newcastle. 

17/52

At groovy New Acton in the warm Sunday sun. Milla looks changed. And very beautiful. Charlie looks into her mouth and sees perhaps four or five teeth. Far out.

Peaceful and curious.

Day 10

In Canberra. Changing plans. Last night the new plan was to head home today, abort the mission. We had a very clingy tearful baby at Kosciusko and it was hard. The drive on to Byron Bay seemed an absurd challenge.

Sitting in suburbia amongst beautiful autumn leaves and mild weather, warm sun. Our first difficult dinner out last night. My friend, with her twin three year olds, us, Milla howling and refusing to be put down. The little ones sung to Milla.

We camped in the backyard, mild night and Milla slept well. We got up at 6:37. New plan. No Byron, on slowly to Newcastle. 

National Portrait Gallery.