Four weeks

We're still on a three-hour feeding cycle, where lil miss kindly will skip a nighttime feed, and wake up right on the dot for daytime feeds. Fingers crossed. Nipples and boobs sore, supply consistent. No formula since Wednesday.

Arms up!

One month of her life. We feel we know you quite well. Eyelashes that reach to the eyebrows, fat lips, funny hair. You don't mind loud music or wind on your face. Today you reached out to touch Charlie's face. Lots of smiles.

After bath, glistening with coconut oil. Trying to teach  her about kisses.

I'm in the market for a DSLR, my first! And have been researching when I can this week. It's a long while since I really took pride in my photos and this acquisition will hopefully herald a new era. Currently thinking a Canon 70D, not sure what lens. Taking recommendations.

Alert Baby 1

Milla is gorgeous when she sleeps and especially gorgeous during her alert periods. Her expressions and the way she tracks action and responds to us make us smile. Often it starts when her nappy is off and she has a kick and starts happily gazing around.

Alert Baby 1 on the lookout.

We are slowly learning that after a short period of this gorgeousness, she gets weary and then rapidly overtired, bringing down the house. Time, swaddling, more patience and love that we think we have - these are the answers to overtired Milla.

Yesterday she and I took a long walk to pick up crappy quality photos from Officeworks then on to Yarraville. There was gale force winds, lots of sun, and we walked for 4kms. She held onto the brim of her hat the whole way, and snoozed until the last minutes when big trains blasted their horns.

She's bundled somewhere in there. 

I feel I'm coping well with the sleep I get, catching naps here and there. Charlie less so, and being back at work is a challenge for us. Still feeding roughly every 3 hours (3 - 6 - 9 - 12) and as of this week, no more formula as Milla weighed in at 3.56 when we saw the nurse on Tuesday. She possetted in the clinic as we undressed her, pooed on my hand as I carried her nude to the scales, then weed on the scales as she lay there. So I'm sure she would have weighed more as we entered the clinic!

Three weeks

Leaving it a bit late to report on three weeks. It's now four weeks since my labour started. I've now gone back to exercise, two yoga classes and two rides on the stationary bike. Body feels weak but it is so good to be back. The day I go for a run will be amazing.

Milla went to her first party, an afternoon tea in a Northcote backyard. By the time we got there it was time to feed, which I did in the car, no problem. Milla was quite content to be passed around the party. We've been wondering about what makes Milla/babies overtired as we have determined that is the cause of long crying spells. But after that party we had visitors at home and she had a good night's sleep. Yesterday however was a long quiet day with just the unit of three, and she slept long at home and long as I walked her in Ergo to Williamstown. But the evening had long tragic howls from the tiny one.

Her hair seems to be fading. We asked the nurse about her neck mark and found it's from where the stork left its mark. She hasn't slept on our room overnight for a while and we're bringing ourselves around to setting up her own room. She's been swaddled and stayed swaddled through long night sleeps, much to our surprise as she'd recently rejected all attempts and we gave up. Things do change. She feeds more efficiently it seems, quicker to attach and draws deep.

Arms up! Arms up!

Routine and Excursion

Another Ergo Photo, this time out at the You Yangs. Charlie went for a ride and we walked for about an hour, I tried to point out some wallabies to Milla but she was fast asleep. Same for the bunjil geoglyph, no interest from lil Miss. It was very warm in the sun and there were tiny birds darting all around. I loved it. Amazing how slow my body feels.

Brief moment of consciousness before falling asleep again (Milla, not me). 

Today we enter day three of a routine! Although Milla still has crying spells and mystifying behaviour, the routine helps me (us) feel a bit more sane. The routine includes supplementing each feed with either formula (once or twice a day) or expressed milk, in a response to the weigh-in on Friday. The routine is for feeds every 3 hours but lil Miss seems happy to skip the 3am feed and sleep through to a reasonable wake-up time around the 6am feed.

She's utterly adorable and her face, expressions and gestures are changing. She looks a lil more like a baby now and has a nice repertoire of smiles and curious faces.

Birth story - Part Two

Part two of the story is harder. It's a tale that ends well but is difficult - for me to remember and maybe for others to read. It reminds me why we gave birth in a hospital, and how valuable it was for me to be fit and well.  

I held Milla to my chest, in water that turned red, it was euphoria, relief that the pain was over and sheer excruciating joy.

Somehow I moved from the bath to the bed. The cord was attached, it felt weird between my legs as I carried her. Her little bottom felt so sweet.

Everything in this part of the story requires a lot of Charlie's help to remember.

On the bed I held her, tried to feed, to deliver the placenta. It was hard to find contractions to push with. Midwife Melissa tried to help get Milla to feed. I knew this was important but it was hard to focus on pushing again. Melissa said I'd need to change position, I told Charlie to take his t-shirt off and he held Milla. I stood up and leaned over the bed, facing him, cord between my legs, severed now.

Blankets on the floor collected blood. And lumps. And more blood. I can't remember them putting me on oxytocin drip. I can't remember the placenta coming out. I remember them checking it and it not being complete. Melissa said it was going to get busy. She inserted a catheter, it hurt and made me feel sad. Doctors and nurses appeared. I was going to theatre as I'd lost too much blood (about 1.5 litres at that point) and would continue to if they didn't quickly remove the rest of the placenta. Milla was only minutes old. More pushing on my tummy. Very painful. Someone asked about gold teeth and I had to remove my earrings and ring. I handed them to Charlie. He looked bereft. I was wheeled away, trying to keep my eyes locked on his. For Charlie it was shocking how white I was, and how red the floor was.

Down corridors and into an assessment area where a young guy in scrubs talked me through forms and how injections into my spine would work. I signed forms. I said I was allergic to Maxalon, a question I would be asked again and again. He knew that meant muscle spasms. Melissa was with me, I can't remember what she said or did. I was thinking about Charlie, wishing I was with him, or he was with me.

Into theatre and cheerful nurses and orderlies moved me prone onto the bed in the centre of the room. We chatted about my nail polish colour. I was congratulated on Milla's birth. Lots was going on. They explained I was to make a 'C' shape with my back. I was injected in my back. A surgeon insisted a nurse called someone to ensure they were aware of my condition and what they were planning. The blood bank was called to have two units on standby. The surgeon said he 'just touched' me and I lost another 300ml. I'm not sure when I was told I'd lost 1.8 litres.

I shook. It felt like fits and stressed me out. I was cold and tense. Apparently normal for the spinal block but I hated it and complained over and over. My hands shoulders arms were the worst. Staff held them for me. Everyone was kind.

I got wheeled to recovery. My shakes were so bad the nurse couldn't read my blood pressure from the cuff and was trying everything to get my vitals. We talked about her niece who studies at Melbourne Uni, Vietnamese people who she knew working at RMIT, and how if she had another baby she'd definitely get an epidural. It was very quiet and I wondered how long I'd been away from Charlie for.

A midwife appeared and was given handover from the nurse. I made a joke about getting my bikini body back. Not well received. She pushed my tummy, checking my uterus was contracting into a distinct mass. We went back to the birth suite. It took me a moment to realise it was the same room I'd given birth in. Charlie was holding Milla.

They moved me across onto the bed. Charlie brought Milla over. She was dressed. I asked Charlie if they had decided on a name.

Time of our Lives

Going bush 

Milla and I had our first social outing, to visit in Heidelberg and go for a walk in Banyule Flats. Baby steps towards the great outdoors. She slept while the two Jessies talked about The Time of Our Lives, rock art, breastfeeding, and all things in between. It rained and I pulled the Ergo Baby rain cover over her tiny head.

Yesterday Milla was weighed by the nurse and had lost 64 grams on birth weight, so we need to do even more to fatten her up. It was upsetting as it feels quite exhausting. I'm expressing for top ups, and now we're also topping up with formula once or twice a day. She has no routine though a few times she's had a long sleep through from about 1am to a reasonable get-up time. We're both very tired. From today we're going to attempt a semblance of routine with 3-hourly feeds. We'll see.

Two weeks

A week ago we celebrated Milla's first week, and I celebrated 'my most straightforward night'. Last night was the opposite, with Milla crying for hours and us getting to sleep sometime around 8am. It was Charlie's first day back at work. It's been difficult.

Apparently this is the position I sleep in too. 

Yesterday the Maternal and Child Nurse weighed Milla and found she'd lost 94 grams on birth weight so we are on a fatten-up campaign. It involves expressing milk, which is so boring and a little bit miserable, as well as trying to feed an overtired Milla. She's amazingly alert and wired when overtired, with big shiny eyes and a strong chin.

Walking

First Ergo outing

Each day and night is different. We had two very broken nights; we had nights with 6-8 hours' sleep each; we had long crying spells; and long sleeps. We parked Milla in her buggy bassinet at night and tried to settle her in the kitchen. Yesterday we planned to move the crib out of our room and set up a nursery for real. We walked to Williamstown as a family and did the shopping; she cried the whole way there and half the way back. Today we did a similar walk, using the Ergobaby carrier for the first time. Quiet and calm. Tomorrow we'll try a car ride.

Her eyelashes seem to grow every day; her face us so expressive; she loves her hands and gestures all the time; her eyes are big, shiny and keen.  

Long night

Yesterday Milla slept long during the day, had long breaks between feeds, and come night time cried and cried. And cried and cried. We watched Game of Thrones and she fed for 50 minutes. We rocked her. We changed her nappy. We ran a bath and rubbed in coconut oil. We fed again. At 1:30am we packed her in the stroller and walked as a funny little family down to the waterfront and watched a huge container ship glide past.

She stopped and started and stopped and started. We got back home and tucked her in securely in the stroller bassinet, parked it in the kitchen and went to bed to listen to her cry, knowing we had tried everything. We fell asleep.

This morning we woke, she was gorgeous and comfy where we left her. Charlie made pancakes, I picked some juicy lemons and limes. We resolved to have an activity day with Milla. Our only day with no visits scheduled.

Grandma made cardi and blanket

One week

One week new

Milla has been in this big world with us for a week now. I watched the clock last night, remembering how I felt around 10pm when labour was intense and we met Milla. Happy tears, and I think gratitude was a key emotion.

Milk drunk

She's sleeping in the crib attached to our bed, and last night was my most straightforward night with feeding. I had a little utility pack next to my pillow with my essentials (shields, lansinoh, phone, notebook, pen) so I could set myself up when I heard her wake for milk.

Yesterday Midwife Melissa came for her final visit with us. I came back from my 20 minute walk down to the water and back to find Charlie giving Melissa the update. She weighed Milla and we found that she already is above birthweight, a good sign for our feeding. I had been worried as my nipples were damaged early, my milk was delayed due to complications in hospital, and now I had blocked ducts. But we'd kept feeding and the weight gain meant we were doing well.

Birth Story - Milla's arrival

Contractions started. Sometime in the evening, maybe around 9pm, after I talked work on the phone with my boss, before we headed to bed as normal. I took some painkillers at 11pm. It's hazy already but I didn't sleep through. I can remember being in discomfort and wondering why Charlie wasn't waking up. He was being smart, conserving energy. I was calm and cosy in bed. Around 6am his work alarm went off and we started timing the contractions with the app on my phone. They were 10-12 minutes apart and lasting about 50 seconds.

I stayed in bed, Charlie pulled in a chair and sat with me, made me toast, brought coffee, another round of painkillers, and the morning wore on. At 8am Charlie called the hospital, we had in mind that we might need to go later in the day and we should alert then so they could plan for us. We got a midwife on the phone that we didn't know, who was sweet and clear as we hoped. 

We pulled out the TENS machine and Charlie fixed it to my back. I didn't like the electrical feeling at all but kept it on and it proved to be a major ingredient in my pain management. 

The afternoon approached, I was still in bed, no sleep, TENS machine on and in use, and contractions were getting more frequent. By 2pm they were lasting up to 2 minutes and about 5 minutes apart. I had some showers and found it hard to find my contractions while there. 

We spoke to the midwife again, I had a shower and something that looked exactly like a 'mucous plug' appeared. I realised there was no chance I'd be washing my hair before going to hospital.

Back in bed, I became aware of Charlie packing, realised he was getting ready to go. I was vaguely pleased that I didn't have to make a decision about going. It was time. 

At 4:30pm, we got in the car. I felt aware of the stories I'd read of this time being hard, and sitting down felt terrible. I hung onto the grab handle and focused internally. At one point I bit the seatbelt. I closed my eyes and was quiet. Occasionally I looked at traffic and resisted instructing Charlie on how to drive. 

They registered our arrival at 5:02pm at the emergency counter. We waited for 45 minutes before getting called. I stood up the whole time, staying quiet. I felt a bit wet but there was no breaking of waters. It felt absurd to be in this amount of pain and just hanging out in a waiting room.

In the assessment, they said lie on the bed, which was not going to happen, so I got on all fours, the position I'd kept at home. One of the few specific things I can say I used from my pre-natal classes. We stayed in the assessment stall for perhaps my 'transition' time, it was hard.

I got louder. A nurse checked on me and Charlie thought that she was impressed with my 'active labour' position on the bed. It maybe gave the idea that I was far along in my labour, which she confirmed with an examination - 7cm dilated. I was delighted and Charlie was relieved. It meant we had timed it well, and that we weren't going to be sent home. A wheelchair was offered with options for how to use it - seated, kneeling backwards or walking alongside. I thought I could walk, but kneeling was it. Charlie texted our student midwife at 6pm with progress and shortly after we were in birth suite. 

Midwife Melissa was in the darkened birth suite and asked me if I wanted a bath. Charlie answered for me as I couldn't make a decision through the pain and trying to get in a position that worked. It takes time to fill the bath, and she went to find a plug. I stood, leaning on the bed.    

The bathroom was dark, a yellow torch in the corner provided just enough to see. Unsteadily, I stepped into the bath, using Charlie as my crutch. 

The rest of my labour happened in the bath. After a strong start, with Melissa thinking our student midwife would miss the birth if she arrived at 8:30pm as expected, contractions slowed. I was moving between different positions, the water was topped up to keep warm, Melissa continually suggested new positions. Over and over I heard positive words 'good work', 'keep breathing', 'come on gorgeous', 'you're doing brilliantly', 'that's it!'. Charlie never moved from my side. 

Student Midwife Tanya arrived 8:30pm, there was a period of hard work followed by a final stage where instructions changed and I fought my internal fears about the spaced out contractions. Melissa drove me hard, and monitoring of baby heartbeat became more frequent. We were so happy to hear that same steady sound we knew from checkups. 

The pushes hurt, I was driven by Melissa's instructions and Charlie's encouragement. She instructed me to change positions, to push. She checked there was no impediments and said that my baby was just waiting for me, waiting for me to push: "she's right there!'. Though I hadn't planned to, I watched the mirror in the bath to see Milla's head and know what each push meant. It hurt. Charlie was behind me, talking closely in my ear. I was told to give a push for her eyes, a push her nose, another for her nose, and her chin. This was so real. 

10:14pm she's on my chest.


* This is part one of the story. It makes me so happy to reflect on, as it follows my birth plan that we had written. My wishes were respected and my intentions realised. I stayed at home for most of my labour, I took no drugs in labour, Charlie was by my side, midwives were awesome, no tough decisions had to be made and Milla came straight up to my chest for cuddles. 

Third day at home

Milla 4 days old, meeting her backyard. 

Days and nights are long. First bath at home today. We are taking lots of notes on all the happenings, cross-referencing with books. We keep the heater on, we are always getting cuddles. My rings fit back on, I'm weary. Happy and calm.

Milla

We have welcomed the one and only - Milla.

Our daughter Milla, born 1 July 2014, into water and loving arms. 

Arriving at home today was an amazing feeling, simply stepping through the front door felt like some kind of magic. We three. 

The journey from my long walk on Monday through to this sunny westside Friday afternoon has been ... again - amazing. 

40 plus five equals monitoring

Monitoring looks like this, from my perspective. It takes about 20 minutes (or 30 if they don't seem to need the bed), and may involve sipping of ice water and a midwife poking around the grub's bottom for a reaction. 

Two monitors strapped to belly, one for her heartbeat and one for my contractions. 

Afterwards, reassured, the sun shining, I walked. And walked.

Just what I like to hear. 

I walked down Grattan, feeling great, through Fitzroy, along Smith Street, feeling tired, slowing, chatted with midwife about results, reached the city again and resolved to make it to Mr Close for a hot chocolate. Made it. Then to Evelyn Faye to buy bergamot oil for my labouring but it was out of stock. On to Magnation to get Vanity Fair. Then a train home. A seven kilometre walk.

40 plus dancing

• Wednesday due date and Thai dinner. 
• Thursday pregnancy massage (with thanks to my team for the voucher!) and two km walk to-from massage. 
• Friday manicure, pedicure and eyelash tint (in case that's what she was waiting for). 
• Saturday a visit to the nut shop for more supplies (they were shocked-shocked!- to see me again) more Thai. 

Middle Fish long lunch with chili sauces, weird service and sweet roti dessert. 

Been cooking and making in the kitchen, tried out two recipes for date energy/protein treats for Charlie, had success with a chia and pomegranate pudding (one in the freezer earmarked for hospital bag).

Last night I got worried about her lack of movement. She's never been a kicker; more of a squirmer with occasional hiccups. We monitored, she eventually complied. This afternoon Charlie pulled out his guitar and we were treated to thirty minutes of dancing from the lil grub. It was amazing.

Mountain Goats home concert

40 weeks and counting

Not sure how I feel about the roman numerals for this update 

The due date came and went. We had another long, sometimes perplexing, but in the end reassuring appointment at the hospital yesterday. Perhaps some files were mixed up last week, who knows, but I was asked to have extra monitoring, and a check of the fluid to see that the placenta and lil one are ok. All ok. So back home until Monday for another 'post-dates' monitoring. I'm trying not to read too much about inductions lest I lose my calm.

The little one

Tiny dress, made by Ma for me

Many calls to check on us. Let's see what the 4pm midwife appointment brings.

I slept ok, my body is being good to us, or so it feels. Had perhaps final acupuncture yesterday. Was worried I might be in labour or wiped out so wasn't sure if I should plan a driver from the appointment, but I was fine, stopped and grocery shopped on the way home and then made apple and rhubarb crumble upon return. Then watched Game of Thrones and saw a demon born. Agh.

39 weeks

That's a bump

Started getting calls... A few days to go... Started reading Birth Skills... Off to second acupuncture session. Fighting a head cold. In love. Charlie tied my shoelaces today.

Closer

Maybe it was after the acupuncture. Maybe it's just time. But it feels like a new phase. Physically and mentally different.

Gifts for her displayed in the ballroom light

It's been a long week. A long few days. At Wednesday's appointment with the Cosmos, I mentioned the little one's movements were not that obvious to me. So we got hooked up to some monitoring and had a scan. The waiting and the consultations and monitoring took the afternoon. Although the upshot was positive, it was a draining process, I was exhausted and emotionally drained.

Then there is some restructure business going on at work, terrible timing. The smart advice is to stay out and think about work sometime on 1 June 2015 when I head back from leave.

I've continued with Evening Primrose oil tablets, three per day. And just started yesterday on Raspberry Leaf tea. Does it make any difference? Would it happen anyway? It feels different now. This morning I had episodes of contractions and movement that lasted minutes and then repeated 1-2 hours later.

Sweet parade

A package addressed to Lil Stevie

I could begin a collection of posts of the gorgeous knitted things this little one has already received. 

This precious piece was crafted by a dear friend and huge talent, and addressed directly to the as yet unnamed and unseen little one. I think she'll look quite fetching in it. 

My first ever acupuncture session was slightly baffling and definitely made me feel dopey. Is that normal? 

38 weeks and 4 days

Technically closer to 39 weeks now! 

Picked up TENS machine, was gifted a microwave, Mum gave me beautiful knitted goods (and chilis, and rhubarb!), still reading To Kill a Mockingbird, made first batch of soup and have booked in acupuncture. Gave my brother the #best t-shirt. Went to final pre-natal yoga.

And further rearranging of the ballroom nursery.

Term

Today I wore myself out.

Last night was the 'Meet the Midwife' session at the hospital. Bring a plate and gather with the other women 'due' in your month and chat with the four midwives in our Cosmos team. We were supposed to go last month but the date didn't work so instead we went in with the July crew. That meant I had the most advanced pregnancy. The message was clear: my baby is term, and I should get ready.

The reasoning is sound: I don't want a medical induction, therefore, do all I can to naturally induce labour from this point forward. Fine, but I had some plans for the next two weeks...

On the way home from the hospital we bought Evening Primrose Oil capsules. The other natural induction tips the Cosmos suggested were:

• Swimming
• Walking up stairs
• Sexual intercourse
• Spicy food and emptying bladder and bowels often
• Clary Sage inhalation or application to pressure points
• Acupuncture
• Not worrying about your due date!

I took the Evening Primrose last night, with my Vegemite sandwich, and slept well, until woken at 4am by what I can now recognise as Braxton Hicks. They came in an episode, lasting until Charlie's alarm went off. It certainly made the birthing seem much closer than it had a day ago. I downloaded a contractions tracker app.

Today, though, I got up and headed into town to rally against the budget. I joined Jack and the tradies on the march and felt glad to be there. Now I need a lie down.

Beat the Budget Rally, Melbourne, 12 June

 

37 weeks and headed to the hills

Looking and feeling large

So we missed a photo at 36 weeks. Here I am at 37 weeks plus 3 days. Still no weight gain for a month or so, but definitely girth gain! Hospital bag is now packed, and will come to the high country as we go camping this long weekend.

We got the go-ahead from the midwife on Wednesday to go camping, once she established that my mother's labours were not quick. Snow is forecast, it's our 8 year (!) anniversary and the last weekend before gates close in the high country. Excited.

Saffron in situ

First pass at arranging the new chair. I reckon this corner will make me very happy. 

New Boden armchair plus a few favourite things. 

Yellow chair

37 weeks means term.

It's been a lovely first week of leave, and I'm grateful for the timing.

It started with a holiday feel, going to Queenscliffe on Monday to visit Priceless ladies.

On the walk to Point Lonsdale for a milkshake 

I've slept one night through, the others I have woke between 2-4am, bright and awake. I swing my big body up and out to lie on the sofa and 'research' whatever is the distraction of the minute: how to organise baby clothes? Where do co-sleeping babies take their daytime naps?

Yesterday was a Cosmos appointment and I presented our midwife with a birth plan (given as homework last appointment!). We had questions this time, and it felt like a productive session. A condition of Cosmos was agreeing to the 24-hour maximum hospital stay. I wondered what this meant in practice (somewhat from a hospital-bag-packing perspective: how many undies/pjs are required?). Midwife explained there were two check-outs, 11am and 3pm, depending on when you'd given birth. So a quick stay. The key factor was about a successful start to breastfeeding. We also found out the team is qualified to supervise a waterbirth, so that is an option for me.

After the Cosmos appointment, I walked Charlie back to work and then headed slowly up to my gym. I had a session booked with Fil to take me through a personal training session that was intended to refresh my memory of how to put together a weights session for myself. To start with I was tired but it was so good to go through a gentle session (that I can feel today!) and treat my body to some stretching. A good compliment to yoga.

The big news today was I brought home this sweet yellow chair! I saw it out the window as I cruised Brunswick a few weeks ago, and it had waited for me (and attracted a 15% discount in the meantime...).

Window display at Rodwell and Astor in Blyth Street

It's everything I wanted in a 'nursing chair'. Firm, upright, comfortable, roomy, stylish and yellow (or saffron, as they say).

Day 1 of Leave

Friday was the drawing to the end of a chapter of my life -work- that started perhaps eighteen years ago. The only other break from work I've taken was living in Lithuania January-June 2004.

I've been asked how I'm going to spend these few weeks, what things I have planned. Without much trouble I can see my time cut out for me:

• Sleep. My slumps have been around 9am and 1pm. Balanced lately by the hour of energy sometime between 2-4am. 
• Walking. Want to keep mobile!
• Swimming. Everyone recommends swimming for pregnancy! I haven't done this yet but my plan is to go to Footscray or Altona to paddle in the slow lane and let the little one and my body get the weightlessness benefits. 
• More Mama Shanti yoga. Hopefully will get in three classes. 
• Hospital appointments. These now are every week, on Wednesday afternoons, with the Cosmos midwives. 
• Celebrate our eight (!) year anniversary. 

And then there's the technical, or nesting, or practical stuff:

• Pack the bag
• Organise nappies
• Buy a bedside light
• Organise bottles
• Organise breast pump
• The big job - washing and organising all the tiny clothes, perhaps more broadly known as 'setting up nursery'. Hoping to have a mother-friend come to sit with me for this.   

The party aftermath is captured by the card spread. I love noting the themes of cards. From top left are the birds and elephants... through to baby photos... flowers and wreaths... some pop-out cards and then the bottom row are the homemade cards.  Reading through these is an incredibly warming and eventually overwhelming experience. 

Love parade

27 days and run for the train

Bolted for the train this morning. Possibly something that will not happen again for a while? My last run was 3 weeks? 4 weeks ago? The prospect of running is now beyond me. Something to dream of doing after July. Charlie has been up early to mountain bike at the You Yangs and now there's a dream of the three of us there for run/ride in the early mornings.

Last day of work tomorrow. Still not sure how it feels. Technically, it's been a great transition, with my replacement spending quality time with the team. I'll miss my colleagues. And I might (re?)discover some interests of my own.

Yesterday we had second obstetrician appointment at the hospital; it was even quicker and stranger than the first. The Doc was a joker, we had no questions, there were no issues, we were in-n-out in minutes. He did a quick scan, which was unexpected, so good to see her again. Her heart pumping, the long curve of her spine, and best of all, confirmation that she's in a good position, head down, bum up by my left ribs.

Baby Shower and BBQ, 24 May

Names

An exercise to narrow down our options. We each wrote our top three. I cheated. This is what we ended up with.

Shortlist

XXXV

Hand-me-down shirt from my boss!

A week of work left, just over a month until the due date. More backyard activity, mild days, parcel deliveries and now, naps on the couch while stuff happens around me. Doctor's this week for blood and other tests, wanting to be well-stocked with iron. Forgot to mention to the GP the numbness at my solar plexus; what a weird sensation! First draft of birth plan is written, the hardest part is writing each statement in positive language. Will workshop it with midwives next week perhaps.

Mum's birthday today, last one before she becomes a grandmother. Off to the Plough to celebrate.

Contrasts

Our second formal 'class' at the hospital last night, the topic of this 4 hour (!) session was labour and childbirth. It was a contrast to our Mama Shanti session on Sunday, which at first was quite confronting. After we placed it in the context of the big hospital and their policies, we felt like it was more useful than scary. We were learning the default settings.

And of course it was useful to workshop the different stages of labour, when to come to hospital, and to consider all the pros/cons of the interventions and pain relief. And to keep perspective. I have been well, and active, and I'm not afraid.

Came home to the re-delivered crib, and more improvements on back and front of house that I have my father and brother to thank for. 

New door knocker/handle and lick of paint for front door.

Silky soft sighing breaths

Active, conscious, engaged. Yesterday Charlie and I attended a five hour workshop on preparing for active birth. The time flew, it was fascinating, inspiring and relaxing all at once. The workshop included techniques from the Thursday yoga classes that I've been trying to get to, and also included very useful discussion about how to make the most of your choice regarding hospital. We emerged feeling informed and empowered. Practice of breathing, touch and positioning. It certainly made it real that I'm in the last stages now. I need to incorporate some poses at home that will allow this little one to position favourably, as they say.

Much going on at home, Charlie paved the storage side of the shed.

Dad n Jack brought around the rain water tank that will nestle behind it. Had Pat around to photograph our fabulous bed for his portfolio.

Today my replacement starts, and I removed the personal pictures that hang by my desk. I've been bringing home a pair of shoes per day from the office collection.

Name preference: Elkie Winter
Best activity: Walking out to a warm morning
Adventure dreaming: Mount Bogong
Random worry: The classic, an emergency caesarean section
Reading: This birth story. 

Lucky blue button

It must be a good sign. 

Found on La Trobe Street

34 weeks

A breakfast date this morning, where my whole team surprised me. The farewells have begun.

34 weeks and wet tents in the backyard

Busy times. The parenting & breastfeeding class last week (three-and-a-half hours!), hospital tour tomorrow night, Mama Shanti workshop this Sunday and of course the excitement of assembling the stroller. And returning the crib when they sent the wrong one.

Pinterest as my note keeper for all the things we're doing and wishing around the place. My Dad, brother and dear friends assisting and offering and generally making themselves useful and life sweet. It's a strange and lovely time.

Name preference: Scout or ...
Best activity: Autumn sunshine walks
Adventure dreaming: One day we'll go to the west coast
Random worry: Sometimes, none, sometimes, all the worries of the world. Is it too late to get stretch marks? Do I ask too much?
Reading: Pulitzer Prize winner from 1960.

High Country Family Adventure

Snowgum by Picture Point

The high country welcomed us back with rain and brilliant colours on the snowgums. A weekend of camping and touring around with some precious cargo: newbie camping family in the form of Charlie's uncle, aunt, and their two lovely kids. We camped Friday at Sheepyard Flat, Saturday by Lovick Hut and in between we toured around and tried to show them a good time. Damper in the hut by a roaring fire on Saturday was a treat.  

33 and whale

Just this past few days I've started to feel quite massive. My email update confirmed this is a tipping point time for many women. Well. Technically I haven't gained weight since Easter, maybe 1 kg in the past month, but there has definitely been a redistribution.

Important to note the climbing wall in backyard!

This week I have finally bought the crib and the stroller. Both were selected a while back but getting across the line seemed difficult for me, I think when they arrive it will seem like s**t has gotten real.

Next Cosmos appointment this arvo, and first childbirth class tomorrow night at the Women's.

Anniversaries

I love marking anniversaries. Marking, more like, another excuse to remember. This time of year there's a lot of memories of people past, another reason to be tearful.

This Saturday past, the first weekend of May, is the 'anniversary' of buying this forever home. That Saturday was planned out as being really our first concerted effort toward 'house-hunting'. Somewhat belated, yes, after a 18 months of so-called house-hunting.

Sensibly, Charlie asked me to refine my long list into a short list so we concentrated our efforts in ONE neighbourhood (instead of the three I had listed: Yarraville/Newport, Moonee Ponds, Thornbury). We picked four in the west, and resolved to take our bikes to move around between the addresses.

It was a bright cool day and we were chipper as leaving Werribee, where we'd been housesitting for the Good Doctor. First house was tidy and under a flight path, ended up selling for more than $100k over the top of the range. Not for us. We rode on.

Next, to Newport. Along the waterfront which is now so familiar, by the power station, under the big bridge, by the refinery. Smelling a distinct 'industry' fume, Charlie commented that Newport wasn't going to be for us. Ha. And he loved the first house we looked at there, despite the fact it was almost uninhabitable. It has big wet holes in the wall, the floor was crazy, cats sat around throughout the inspection, the dining room with exposed bluestone was amazing. A project house. Charismatic.

Back on bikes to Yarraville where we met up with Mum and queued to get in the next house, feeling like we were at an awkward party. I liked it but it was hard to think with all the people crowded around. We went to lunch. Frying Pan joined us, no idea why she was local in the west that day. The sun was bright and delicious. We decided not to go to the Footscray listing due to Mum's intel on the railway expansion. Good call.

At Lady Moustache for a sustenance stop. 

Back on the bikes with Mum leading the way in her car. This final listing was my favourite. We still had energy for inspecting. Up the driveway. Greeted the agent, stood inside, walked through. Everything was good. Yard, floorboards, kitchen/lounge area, high ceilings, character. Um...

32 and panting

Generally feeling quite lovely and happy, with occasional pangs of sadness about missing the high country and camping this winter. Also tearful when watching 'Call the Midwife'! Picture me in my pjs on bed, legs up the wall, iPad resting on my belly, tears rolling down my face when Charlie comes to bed.

My weekly email updates provide a long list of 'physical changes' and discomforts to be felt at this stage and I feel lucky that it's really only shortness of breath that is in evidence. As she might gain anywhere between 1-2 kilos in the final couple of months, things could get interesting though. I went for a run yesterday, the same 2kms down to water, along and back, and felt no pains, just shallow breath.  

32 weeks and the climbing wall under construction

Rainy warm day and the scan

32 week scan

Feeling quite happy and excited. The scan showed us all good news, she has her head down, the placenta has travelled and given clearance and her size is bang on 'average'. Of course it was just lovely to see her little peaceful face, that nose! and her brain and heart and stomach all working away. Love. Nothing more to say.

Back to work

Back to work after ten days off. Now five weeks of work to go. Scan tomorrow to see if my placenta (her placenta?) is blocking her exit or not. Excited to see her on the scan again.

Shed update, as of Friday tools down. Hopefully finished this week.

Charlie trims the apricot tree to accommodate the new shed frame.

Name preference: Elkie
Best activity: Riding to the city on Anzac Day, nearly 11kms in 40 minutes
Adventure dreaming: Snuggles in winter tent
Random worry: Nope, no worries.
Reading: Work emails and mothering blogs

XXXI and the Backyard

Heading off to yoga while the workers toil. 

Day two of the second session of backyard work. Early rain cleared by 9am to glorious sunshine. Shed, guttering, paving, planting, digging, tree removal, neighbour consulting, marble retrieval, and much mud tramped through the house.

Yoga was great though my arms and shoulders felt weak and tired. We did partner work - a massage called 'rub the love in'. Yep, pretty delicious. Then I found a blog post in my inbox about motherhood and yoga. Perfect.

Name preference: Scout?
Best activity: Planting grass
Adventure dreaming: High country cool air
Random worry: Having no muscles
Reading: The local paper at our bench

Cape Conran at Easter

Christmas at Cape Conran has become a tradition of sorts. This past summer we missed out on the ballot and it felt strange to stay home all through Christmas, without the usual packing, cooking and heading off on the long drive.

Easter is a different matter, no ballot, we just reserved a spot. Mum, Jack and us+1. We weren't sure what to expect, without the beach plans, with the possibility of rain... Arrived Good Friday and left Easter Monday. Quite a relaxing few days with reading, snoozing, beach walks, good campfire food and laughter.

Saturday was the Marlo Primary School Fete, our key activity, which yielded jams, baby knits, a few plates and jars of homemade sweets and much entertainment. A hot chocolate as we sheltered in the park and discussed plans for the shed at home.

Marlo Jetty

Sunday we walked along the boardwalk, gazing into rockpools and out to the big breaking waves. Weather was bright, or windy, or grey, and great for walking with no time or purpose. Mum arranged some rocks, Charlie found a beautiful driftwood stick and on the way back there was a kids' sand sculpting competition being judged by a huge rapturous audience.

Conran view

Packing up in the gorgeous morning sunlight, my plan was to visit Salmon Rocks before we left. Mum and Jack had reported wild winds from their visit after the Fete, but it was clear and as I remembered. Charlie explored for bouldering possibilities and we recalled the pleasant visit when Jack fished and we met a cheerful family travelling around the country. We took some profile shots. Ahem.

30 weeks and full of love

30 is a big round number

Ran this fine morning and it felt good. Same pace as a few weeks back.

Still canvassing mothers for their headline advice. Latest: Be flexible, don't invest physically or mentally in things going a particular way.

This is our theme of the week, as we've tried to make some configuration decisions around the house. We settled on building a shed for the camping gear and our archives, which will free up the gear room.

My thinking is to have a nursery corner set up (still not sure if this is in ballroom or gear room) that has the double futon, change table, baby clothes, nappies etc. This would be for day sleeps. Our room would have the crib (attached to our bed) and be the night sleep place.

Thirty weeks tomorrow. And an Easter-Anzac break of ten days starts. Lovely.

Cosmos and Adelaide

Dad asked me who gets to choose his grandfather moniker.

I'm up eating vegemite toast at 5:20, taxi is coming in 20 minutes to convey me to the airport. Perhaps my last plane trip before I become a parent?

Yesterday was our second Cosmos appointment. As we waited to be called, we both weren't sure what the appointment was for. Then I remembered that when you're pregnant, you simply have 'routine' appointments. It went really well. We got called in by a lovely French accent and met another of the 'team' of four midwives who look after me. She was warm and earnest, very intently telling us that babies eat every two hours in their first ten days at home and that it would be impossible to keep usual sleeping pattern and that there's nothing you can do about it as "there is only one master - the baby".

She took my measurements and listened to the heartbeat. Charlie saw the little one punch out, first time.

I asked about supplements and was told I could cease taking any (!). She said it's just a business and that if I eat well I can stop. So I'll just take iron as that's low and low is normal for third trimester.

Overall it was a strangely reassuring visit. Weird when I was already calm. Glad Charlie met one of the midwives.

29 weeks and some advice

Interesting to take solicited advice. 

Speaking with some other newish mums and the top tips were: don't gain too much weight and ask for help. The giraffes really are everywhere. 

Been feeling my most tired yet, but this could be busy days at work too.

29 weeks and 10 kgs gained. Grass growing slowly. 

Will stay home this weekend and try to execute some domestic tasks. Attack the gear/junk/baby room. Order the crib. Write a list of clothes needed and check against those we already have. See if we can take backyard project to next phase. Buy a front door handle.  

28 weeks and feeling chipper

Back from a run. There is more darkness around and it feels like I'm only home when it's night time. Very pleased to wake up on time this morning and lace up my shoes to head off. My runs are down to 2km, really just up to the waterfront and back. A feeling of stretch or ache down my side, and feeling like going to the toilet are the main reasons I'm not going further. My breathing is ok.

Stretch mark aversion is one reason to keep running. They are yet to appear on my rounded belly, but I think my teenage marks from hips and thighs may have increased. Following my Cosmos blood tests, I'm now taking iron and vitamin D supplements in addition to my pregnancy multi. My iron had fallen to low and my D is normal, but apparently I should stay on D anyhow as I'm pregnant. Curious.

Today I'll start interviews for my replacement, just one year after I was interviewed myself for the role. It's a strange process, and one I'm grateful my boss has let me take the lead on. More navel gazing as I figure out what makes someone effective in my role.